Wharf Room Comedy returns! This time complete with a Dancing Doctor…
10 young comedians talking smack. Including:
Dr Brian King
Veronica Porras
Tim Taylor
Loren Kraut
Steven Yates
Kazumi Kusano
Brian Hurley
Cara Tramontano
Natasha Muse
Tom Anderson
Doing it again baby!
And In case you miseed the last show, check this out:
Q: I’m dating a girl who says she has 2 loves in her life; both exes. The first died about 2 years ago from a car accident. She still lives with the second ex and says she still loves him – but not romantically. We fool around with the basic sexual nonsense. But I can’t help shake the feeling that I will never be able to get out of the comparison spotlight of the dead guy. I mean, is this something that she’s going to get over or am I always going to have to live with the comparison? I know women never forget a dick.
Here’s some more background: She says she’s OCD and suffers from anxiety disorder. Having conversation with her is sporadic at best. I see her once a week if things are good. She gets flirty and playful, then snaps and blows me off. When I ask why, she says I don’t understand her lifestyle. She’s in college and working full time too. She’s 20. I’m 24. She also doesn’t see anything wrong with cocaine. I mentioned something about that being a bad thing and she wasn’t too pleased. I have this tendency to try to nurture people, to save them, etc… but I’m thinking this is hopeless and it’s killing me thinking that I may just have to give up.
Is she trying to avoid liking me? She’s said things to me before like ‘please don’t die’ and I get the feeling that she’s actually afraid of me dying because she likes me. Like she believes she’s responsible when she says she only brings suffering to people. I guess this is more psychological than sexual in the overall question. Maybe the best way to ask this is am I being a dumbass?
A: Wow, I must admit I had to read, re-read, and re-re-read your question several times just to figure out what you are asking.
If my comprehension is up to par, I believe you are asking me if you are a dumbass. I also must apologize, in the interest of not completely overloading my server, I had to edit your question down a little. it still takes you nearly 300 words to get to “dumbass” but for my answer to make any sense to the rest of my readers, they’ve got to get a glimpse of the madness that is your life.
So, are you a dumbass for dating a girl that:
Yes, you are a dumbass. This was quite possibly the easiest question I have ever been asked.
You also asked me if I thought she was avoiding getting close to you. But I have to wonder, why aren’t you doing more to avoid her? She’s telling you that she only brings suffering to people, is that too subtle of a hint?
I’m not even going to attempt to break her behavior down into something understandable. That’s beyond the scope of what I’m capable of here and would probably send me way over my already limited attention span. Besides, clinical work just isn’t my bag, baby! However, one thing about her that you apparently understand already is that shit just ain’t right.
It’s a hard life trying to juggle being both a boyfriend and a psychiatrist and I can imagine that your relationship with this girl is a source of stress and frustration. Hell, I imagine it’d be that way for a paid professional and you didn’t mention anything about being a paid professional. Are you a paid professional? If you are, then you need to add some serious ethical violations to your list of complaints, dumbass.
Of course, you are most likely not a paid professional and therefore are probably not the most qualified person to help her through her issues. Hopefully she’s already got a few pros in her life already, but if she doesn’t the best thing you can do for her is encourage her to seek counseling. The best thing you can do for yourself is get the hell out of there. Run. Fast. Say goodbye, but don’t look back. Get on with your damn 24-yearold life while you still have a chance.
I respect and admire your “tendency to try to nurture people”, (well, at least after calling you a dumbass) and I can definitely empathize. Hell, I’ve got a few stories like this myself. Speaking from experience, as much as you want to make others happy, you must make your own happiness a priority and learn to know your own limits. In other words, if you really want to nurture someone, find someone with problems you can manage like balancing a checkbook or fixing a car. And leave the heavy cases to the paid professionals.
And seriously dumbass, if I’ve been too subtle: please get your ass out of there.
Dr B
Got a question for the doctor? email him at drbrianking at gmail dot com.
I write a sex advice column, maybe you’ve seen it?
Over time I’ve gotten used to the fact that people looking for porn are finding my website by accident. I wish I could provide them with what they are looking for, I do, but I know that each misguided attempt to view “milf pantie pictures” is likely met with severe disappointment when they end up reading my rants and run on sentences.
Besides, where am I going to get milf pantie pictures? oh yeah, the internet.
For that past few months there seems to be a huge demand for something “young n tight”, whatever that is. A few searches are looking for tightie wighties, and some sound just plain pedophilac.
Now, by writing this post I bet my “young n tight” hunters will double over the next few weeks. Sorry guys, but old and loose is nice too, right?
Dr B
More regular columns are coming soon, I promise. To help appease the appetites while you wait, check out this recent bit of stand-up material.
PS For a related post, check out: Backdoors
That’s right folks, for those of you in the bay area next Tuesday be sure and check it out as terrific line up of comedians takes to the stage once again for a night of comedy at fisherman’s wharf. Once again, hosted by yours truly. Be there, be so there.
It’s been a while since my last graduation ceremony, and I definitely don’t remember them being this fun.
In this economy a doctor can’t live on sex advice alone - you’ve got to diversify your skills.
And, for those of you in the bay area, don’t you dare forget: Dr Brian Live!
Q: At the start of our relationship, my girlfriend and I played around with the idea of having a threesome (with another girl), but we never actually ended up doing it. Now that we’re full on into the relationship, I’m afraid that there’s no real way to bring up the question again. Do you have any advice for couples and threesomes? Is it generally bad news bears or do you think it’s a healthy form of sexual experimentation?
A: I must admit that when I started reading your email and considering my response, I played around with a whole bunch of awesome directions I could take. My hands were salivating to bang out a column so clever that not only was it guaranteed to get you knee-deep in threesomes, but it would have resulted in enough widespread orgification to make Hands Across America jealous.
That was, until I got to the the end of your email. Are threesomes “Bad News Bears” you ask? Yes – for anyone that uses the phrase “Bad News Bears” in a letter to a sex advice columnist in hopes of convincing his long term girlfriend to suddenly allow him to bang another chick with, not only her consent, but also her participation. I’m pretty sure you missed the boat on this one, and unless you can purge terms like that from your vocabulary and figure out a way to bring it up again (what’s wrong with “Hey baby, remember that three-way we talked about a while ago? So wassup with that?”)
I will give you credit for bringing up the topic early on, the key to getting your fantasies fulfilled is to let them be known. However, it doesn’t seem like it was all that important as it was easy to push aside in favor of, I don’t know – doing laundry together? Sometimes our goals are so important, so urgent, that they drive our obsessions and help guide our decisions and dammit if we ain’t getting a threesome! Other times, they seem like things that might be more fun to talk about, but we somehow seem to never get around to it, like that second book I keep threatening to write. Never take your eye off the prize (or ball if you’re a little league outfielder for a ragtag team of misfits), depending on you and your girlfriend’s level of interest of course.
Oh, and yes. It can be a very healthy form of sexual experimentation. Now go get a few.
PS. Is my girlfriend reading this? Cuz baby, I totally got my eye on that one friend of yours…